On a Very Special These Jokes: If Men are from Mars, You Jokes are from Deep Space

For those of you who haven't guessed, These Jokes is run with a man at its helm. However, a woman's perspective can always add a little something extra to any project. You know, just the right level of complexity. It is nesting season once again, and jokes all over the place are looking to find that "someone for right now" to snuggle up to during the chilly winter months. As it would turn out boys and girls, it is also the season where I find that a lot of women begin to complain about the status of the relationships, or lack their of.

I sit down exclusively with friend to These Jokes, and single gal pal Ms Wonderful, to hash out why exactly it is so hard in the nesting months, for women to find contentment in whatever situation they are in. Why do I have so many of my female friends coming up to me during this period and asking me why men aren't clambering at their feet, if they are so perfect and so wonderful (their words, not mine)? I thought bringing in a female perspective while I tried to play "Doctor Love" would really help steer ya jokes in the right direction.

Hey Ms. Wonderful, How you feelin' today?

Good. I got a B+ on my paper and one of my classes was canceled!

Great!

So we are on the topic of women, relationships, or lack thereof. How do you, as a single women, describe your personal engagement with men?

Well most of my friends, here at the university I attend are gay, so I am the epitome of a fag hag. My friendships with straight men consist of me being "one of the guys". That or I just hook up with them and nothing further develops.

Oh, I see... Do you have a type?

Straight(ha ha). I also enjoy the chase, so I guess you could say I kind of am drawn to the unavailable.

Do you think that this might be a factor in you not finding Mr. Right, because you chase Mr. Wrong?

Yes. I chase Mr. Gay (LOL)

Huh, Why do you think it is that women like to fix a guy? Why not stick with the low maintenance variety?

Ooo, that's a good question. I think every girl has this notion that she can be the one to finally fix a guy, but who are we kidding? They can't be fixed unless they want to be, and if we have to fix someone, we probably shouldn't be with them. And why do I stray away from the low maintenance type you ask? Because they're boring!

Well, what has been some of your experiences in the past?

If they're not gay, they're taken. If they're not taken, they just want [cookies]. And if they just want [cookies] do not expect a text anytime before 12 AM. From my experience with guys, I have learned that I should just stop caring about all of them. But, that is easier said than done. Here is my summary about guys, you can't find Mr. Right until you sift through a whole bunch of Mr. Wrongs.

Ok, as a friend, I am sympathetic to my friend's predicament. As Doctor Love however, I have to give her efforts an F. This F does not necessarily stand for failure, but it stands for fix. It stands for fear. It stands for fake. If you are a woman who wants to be in a relationship, you have to relinquish the notion of a "perfect man". He does not exist. He is as common as a flying unicorn. Your first step is to understand that you can not fix another person, let alone a man. You can try, oh how you can try, but there is absolutely no chance of you single-handedly turning a man's life around. He is not (contrary to belief) a dog. Stop trying to fix him.

Now if you encounter a suitor who catches your eye, but requires the maintenance of uh, I don't know, three five year olds suffering from ADD, it is a good idea, at this moment, to pay attention to your panic button. Whether you realize it or not, it has been pressed. Run with lightening speed in the opposite direction. This is the douche bag you jokes desperately need to avoid.

Now for the second F, fear. Do not be afraid of the nice guy. I know he is like the puppy in the back of the store with the slight limp, which kind of stinks, but he is the guy you want. While you may get a thrill out of being with the ass hole, you will also get countless hours of crying to your girlfriends about how he doesn't treat you right. Of course he doesn't. He is not fun! He is a well disguised trap and you're just another target, notch on his bed post, panty in his draw, or which ever analogy speaks to you.

Now for F number three, fake. Contrary to what you may believe, men do not like to play games! We are a simple minded people. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Anything outside of these bounds will only confuse us.

Please, Please, Please ladies do not get discouraged during these couple of months. It may take a while to find what you are truly looking for, but be OK with that. Come spring you will want to be single anyway. Take comfort in this. For those of you who have boyfriends, good luck. That brings further complication that can't possibly be addressed in this post. So what, there is no prince charming to fulfill your every desire, pick you up on his mighty stead, or place a dainty slipper on your foot. It is not that big of deal. Get a grip ya joke!

-A note from your resident Doctor

Hey! I know what will bring your spirits up!