Cyber Monday: The Holiday Vortex

With the retail massacre of Black Friday, behind us, America now looks to Cyber Monday to give that extra economic boost. Yes, if companies don't get you to cram into their stores and break a hip, as you chuck money from your wallet at any available register for the last Shake Weight, they lure you online so you can snag that rare limited edition Furby.

I can tell you now that I will not be one of those people online, shopping for crap to give my friends and relatives for Christmas. I will not be that person who gets snagged into buying the 500 Ipad because it's the last one left that I can personally monogram. It's not the last one left. You know that they have thousands waiting in the rafters. They just want to drain you dry, so that you remember how poor you really are. So that your credit card companies know how much they can collect in late fees. So that little Timmy gets bread and water for his Christmas dinner and you get air pudding and wind pie.

Don't worry, your new Xbox Connect will comfort you both in your starvation. If Black Friday is the retail massacre, Cyber Monday is the vulture coming back for seconds. I wish all you dopes luck on this tragic Monday, as you sink further into debt. Good Luck on your shopping adventures ya shop till ya drop, credit card circle, lay away jokes!