Halloween! (Code Name for Slutfest 2010)

Halloween is one of the most exciting times of the year. Everyone gets candy. Everyone dresses up. Also,as it would turn out, every girl under the age of uh, I don't know 30, ends up dressing like the sluttiest girl they know. For some reason Halloween is the only acceptable time for young women to put on hoe's uniforms and parade around the streets.

What is it about this holiday that sets girls loose and turns them into crazed sex beasts on the prowl? What is it about Halloween, which mind you is in October, not the warmest of months, that tells a girl yes.

"On this day, I will try to wear as little as I possibly can. On this day, I will put hooker shoes on. On this day, I will wear so much make up on my face, that it looks like someone put it on me with a shot gun. On this day, I will not only have guys dangling at my feet, but I will be running from hoards of creepers panting at the sight of me." Ahh yes what a Holiday! I ain't mad at you ladies, but just for me, keep some mase in ya purses. Ya scantily clad Jokes!

This Woman is Having a Baby (Yikes!)

A new report confirms one of my biggest fears. Mariah Carey is pregnant with Nick Cannon's (I think) child! I don't know about you, but to put Mariah Carey and mother in the same sentence is just frightening. The 4o year old decided to divulge what was cooking in her oven to Access Hollywood's Billy Bush, as shown on a Today Show segment.

All jokes aside a baby is always a blessing. Congratulations! Just remember Mariah what I said about the baby naming. We better not see a little " Butterfly" enter the world. Hopefully, the new baby will get along with your other child, Nick. You know, so you can have one nice happy family.

To celebrate Mariah's new edition, I would like to post her upcoming single "Oh Santa" from her new Christmas album Merry Christmas 2 in stores next week. Hopefully the baby will come out better than your new single, ya joke of a mother to be!

Four Loko Is For Crazy People!

So there is this new energy drink/alcoholic beverage floating around that has become quite popular with the kids. It's called Four Loko. Honestly, it's a one-way ticket to the emergency room for a much needed stomach pumping. The drink is 1o to 11% alcohol. The average beer is 4%. That means, in one fruity gulp, you could feel like you've had about 3 beers! Oh, and because it is caffeinated, you get a nice crack-y feeling too.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a "drank"; it's a death wish. Do not consume this poison. While it might seem fun for the first half hour, the next four hours hung over the toilet isn't a trip to Disney World. Stay away from this drink of death, ya young, stupid, high on life and everything else under the sun, can't nothing bring me down but a twelve ounce can of liquid arsenic JOKE!

Why School Reform is Necessary (Racist Field Trip)

This week for me has been all about the viral video. Jokes are blowin' up all over the Internet, and I want to give just a few golden drops of what has been making its way, no doubt, to in-boxes everywhere. From the rent being too damn high, to the neck sprain I have suffered from whipping my head back and forth, to the auto tuned attempted rapist news report, (climbin' through your windows and snatchin' your people up...) this week for me and Youtube has been full of joy. This particular video has sprung up recently and makes me wonder what is going on with the public school system.

Now, when a teacher plans a field trip, you would think they have enough sense to check into the details of wherever they were going. You know, to find out exactly how appropriate the field trip is for their students. This didn't seem to be the case in one particular incident which this poor man suffered when his teacher took him to a cotton processing plant.

The following video may be disturbing to some, as it will have you rolling on the floor and holding your sides. Be warned that this video or field trip for that matter, is not suitable for any child. Parents hold on tight, as your eyes may widen and jaws may drop. All I'm sayin' is that politicians really might want to take peek at the status of the public school system. Do not at any time think it is ok to take a black child to a cotton processing plant and have them pick cotton. This is not a very special Roots moment, you backward thinking JOKE! You've been warned!

The Rent is Too Damn High (He Ain't Lyin'!)

I was almost in tears when I heard about this brave soul. The New York Governor's debate found a little spice with The Rent is Too Damn High Party candidate Jimmy McMillan. Yes! That is indeed the name of the party.His position was simple and clear.Oh not to mention completely hysterical. I love this joke! Politicians could learn a thing or two from this guy. Cut through the bull and put your position on the table for everyone to see. You know why? Cause the rent is to damn high! Scream it from the pulpits ya jokes....!

As Bad as She Wanna Be ( She Whips it!)

I don't know what kind of team is hangin' behind Willow Smith, but this little girl got me whippin' my hair or lack there of all over the place. This girl is 9 years old and is just knocking them out the park. I know mom and dad are proud. Watch out Beyonce???

Check out her new vid!

Egypt is a Country, Not a Baby

Alicia Keys gave birth to a bright healthy young baby. Congrats! Really. You're a beautiful person, who's talent is mesmerizing. However I just had to make this post. Alicia Keys named her baby Eygpt...

If I hear that another celebrity has named their kid a cockamamie name like this one, I will start a petition that bars these jokes from gettin' all crazy with the baby namin'. Seriously, I cannot stand that a child will have to spend the rest of their life known as Apple, or Coco, or Reign-Bow.Yes there is a child out there whose celebrity parent decided to name them Reign-Bow and no I did not spell it wrong.

For the love of everything that is pure and innocent, do not name your child something that an employer has to do a double take on. Don't name them anything a teacher has a hard time pronouncing. Don't choose a name that is gonna' require a dash or apostrophe to be spelled correctly. Most importantly, do not choose a name that has anything to do with the conception of the child, or that you as a parent, continuously have to justify. Ya reckless baby naming joke!

Going out with a Bang or Two

A recent report from MSNBC follows one Duke University student's " unofficial final thesis" as she decides to explore the depths of her college sexual escapades. Karen Owen actually made public the details of her sexual history. She admitted to sleeping with 13 suitors, a handful being Duke lacrosse players. Unfortunately none of them were Tiger Woods.

This girl should keep her mouth and legs closed at all times. In a 42- slide PowerPoint she has managed not only to let the world in on the prowess of the men she has slept with, but also on how much of a skank she really is. Owen discusses one incident where even in her "blackout" state she managed to sleep with yet another athlete. Is this what you or, no doubt, your parents pay 40 grand a year for? To land the next ( in the words of Snooki!) gorilla juice head in the dirty concubine quarters you call a dorm room?

I have to wonder what this girl was thinking when she decided to create this. Why is it that parents shell out all of this money to produce polished morons such as this one. I can't imagine who else pushed through her revolving door of A+ nooki. I mean really, what kind of guys do you think she decided to leave off this little presentation? I'm sure Miss Owen you got a thrill out of over exposing yourself to the world as the gift that keeps on giving, but seriously keep your business to yourself. Ya fantasy sports wranglin' JOKE! (oh yeah, good luck on the job hunt too)

Here is a quick vid for those who don't know about this joke: