Listen in Ya Joke!: 5 Reasons Why You May be a Winter Wonder Joke

So I don't know if anyone else noticed, but its been gettin' cold out lately. Winter is about to rear its ugly head and I thought it be a good time to let you jokes how you should dress this winter.This is not a fashion tutorial. This is for those jokes who like to think that wearing little to no clothing in the winter months is an option. So without further a due, lets get started:

1) Flip flops are not boots. Do not think its ok to travel in a blizzard in flip flops. Its not like you just touched down in Miami. If you did, good for you, the rest of us are freezing.

2) Uggs are winter appropriate, the added jean skirt, not so much. Exposure of your legs in 30 degree weather makes people think,"doesn't this idiot know its cold outside".

3) Just because you decided to rap a scarf around your neck over your a t-shirt, does not mean your ready for the winter elements. While you neck maybe toasty, the frostbite you suffered in the rest of body will not be fun.

4) Layers are necessary. If you arrive inside and only have one thing to remove from your body, it better be a well lined parka, otherwise your doing it wrong.

5) Last but not least a very basic rule. Put something on your head! I don't care what it is. If you wanna fashion it out of paper machay, go for it. Just make sure somthing is there. If ya didn't realize, all your body heat travels out your dome. If you think you're immune to flu, you're not. I will be damned if your sneezing on me...

Go out and enjoy winter while being warm ya short wearing, flip-floppen, "no im not cold, I always shake like a chihuahua " joke!

Halloween! (Code Name for Slutfest 2010)

Halloween is one of the most exciting times of the year. Everyone gets candy. Everyone dresses up. Also,as it would turn out, every girl under the age of uh, I don't know 30, ends up dressing like the sluttiest girl they know. For some reason Halloween is the only acceptable time for young women to put on hoe's uniforms and parade around the streets.

What is it about this holiday that sets girls loose and turns them into crazed sex beasts on the prowl? What is it about Halloween, which mind you is in October, not the warmest of months, that tells a girl yes.

"On this day, I will try to wear as little as I possibly can. On this day, I will put hooker shoes on. On this day, I will wear so much make up on my face, that it looks like someone put it on me with a shot gun. On this day, I will not only have guys dangling at my feet, but I will be running from hoards of creepers panting at the sight of me." Ahh yes what a Holiday! I ain't mad at you ladies, but just for me, keep some mase in ya purses. Ya scantily clad Jokes!

This Woman is Having a Baby (Yikes!)

A new report confirms one of my biggest fears. Mariah Carey is pregnant with Nick Cannon's (I think) child! I don't know about you, but to put Mariah Carey and mother in the same sentence is just frightening. The 4o year old decided to divulge what was cooking in her oven to Access Hollywood's Billy Bush, as shown on a Today Show segment.

All jokes aside a baby is always a blessing. Congratulations! Just remember Mariah what I said about the baby naming. We better not see a little " Butterfly" enter the world. Hopefully, the new baby will get along with your other child, Nick. You know, so you can have one nice happy family.

To celebrate Mariah's new edition, I would like to post her upcoming single "Oh Santa" from her new Christmas album Merry Christmas 2 in stores next week. Hopefully the baby will come out better than your new single, ya joke of a mother to be!

Four Loko Is For Crazy People!

So there is this new energy drink/alcoholic beverage floating around that has become quite popular with the kids. It's called Four Loko. Honestly, it's a one-way ticket to the emergency room for a much needed stomach pumping. The drink is 1o to 11% alcohol. The average beer is 4%. That means, in one fruity gulp, you could feel like you've had about 3 beers! Oh, and because it is caffeinated, you get a nice crack-y feeling too.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a "drank"; it's a death wish. Do not consume this poison. While it might seem fun for the first half hour, the next four hours hung over the toilet isn't a trip to Disney World. Stay away from this drink of death, ya young, stupid, high on life and everything else under the sun, can't nothing bring me down but a twelve ounce can of liquid arsenic JOKE!

Why School Reform is Necessary (Racist Field Trip)

This week for me has been all about the viral video. Jokes are blowin' up all over the Internet, and I want to give just a few golden drops of what has been making its way, no doubt, to in-boxes everywhere. From the rent being too damn high, to the neck sprain I have suffered from whipping my head back and forth, to the auto tuned attempted rapist news report, (climbin' through your windows and snatchin' your people up...) this week for me and Youtube has been full of joy. This particular video has sprung up recently and makes me wonder what is going on with the public school system.

Now, when a teacher plans a field trip, you would think they have enough sense to check into the details of wherever they were going. You know, to find out exactly how appropriate the field trip is for their students. This didn't seem to be the case in one particular incident which this poor man suffered when his teacher took him to a cotton processing plant.

The following video may be disturbing to some, as it will have you rolling on the floor and holding your sides. Be warned that this video or field trip for that matter, is not suitable for any child. Parents hold on tight, as your eyes may widen and jaws may drop. All I'm sayin' is that politicians really might want to take peek at the status of the public school system. Do not at any time think it is ok to take a black child to a cotton processing plant and have them pick cotton. This is not a very special Roots moment, you backward thinking JOKE! You've been warned!

The Rent is Too Damn High (He Ain't Lyin'!)

I was almost in tears when I heard about this brave soul. The New York Governor's debate found a little spice with The Rent is Too Damn High Party candidate Jimmy McMillan. Yes! That is indeed the name of the party.His position was simple and clear.Oh not to mention completely hysterical. I love this joke! Politicians could learn a thing or two from this guy. Cut through the bull and put your position on the table for everyone to see. You know why? Cause the rent is to damn high! Scream it from the pulpits ya jokes....!

As Bad as She Wanna Be ( She Whips it!)

I don't know what kind of team is hangin' behind Willow Smith, but this little girl got me whippin' my hair or lack there of all over the place. This girl is 9 years old and is just knocking them out the park. I know mom and dad are proud. Watch out Beyonce???

Check out her new vid!